


Genie, You're Free

by rboudreau



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mickey comforts Ian, ian reacts to Robin Williams' suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:38:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2128758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rboudreau/pseuds/rboudreau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian hears about Robin Williams' suicide and reacts badly. Mickey must convince him that Ian isn't Robin, and everything will be okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Genie, You're Free

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm not exactly dealing very well with the news of Robin Williams. I needed to write it out to process everything, and I used Shameless to do it because of the bipolar connection. 
> 
> If you or someone you know needs help, please call the **National Suicide Prevention Lifeline** at **1-800-273-TALK (8255)**. You can also call **The Trevor Project - Lifeline** here: **866-488-7386**. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Ian stared at the television as the words scrolled across the bottom of the screen.

**Robin Williams dead at 63 in suspected suicide; actor suffered from “severe depression of late.”**

His eyes stayed trained on the words long after they disappeared from the screen. He heard everyone moving around the house behind him, but he couldn’t move. He listened intently as the news reported talked about how Robin Williams was found in his home earlier that day and suicide was suspected as the cause of death. The woman went on to say that he had been severely depressed lately and was long ago diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Ian didn’t remember starting to cry, not until Mickey was suddenly in front of him, wiping his face dry.

“Hey,” Mickey whispered soothingly. “What’s going on? Why you crying?” Ian shook his head, trying to focus on what the TV was saying. Mickey grabbed his face, making Ian look him in the eye. “Ian, tell me what made you cry. Talk to me.”

Ian choked back a sob as Mickey’s thumbs brushed beneath his eyes. “Robin Williams is dead. Suicide.” 

Mickey exhaled heavily, the tension in his shoulder releasing. “Oh. Shit, you scared me.” He relaxed as he continued wiping Ian’s face dry. “I didn’t know you were a fan of his.”

“It’s not--that’s--I _am_ , but that’s not…” Mickey furrowed his eyebrows together, letting his hands fall to rest on Ian’s shoulders, rubbing them soothingly.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s okay if you’re sad,” he murmured. “It’ll be okay. You can still watch his movies and shit. I can go buy you some if you want.”

Ian shook his head, pushing Mickey’s hands off him. “That’s not it!” Mickey froze as Ian raised his voice. He noticed the rest of the Gallaghers, who had been in the kitchen, all stood still as well. “I’m gonna be just like him!”

Mickey frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“He was bipolar, Mickey!” Ian yelled, standing up off the couch and letting his blanket fall to the ground. “He was born right here in Chicago and he was bipolar and he killed himself! I’m gonna end up just like him!”

Mickey stood quickly, grabbing Ian’s wrist before he could start climbing the stairs. “Woah! Stop!” Ian struggled to get his hand free, but Mickey held tight. “Ian!” Ian let out another sob and sunk down onto the bottom step as the Gallaghers stood silent at the edge of the living room.

“I’m gonna end up just like him,” Ian whispered. Mickey bit his lip, hearing the all too familiar empty, emotionless tone to Ian’s voice.

“Ian,” Mickey said, lifting Ian’s face to look at him. “You’re not him. So what if he was bipolar? The guy was, what, in his 60s? He obviously made it that far.”

“If he didn’t find life worth living at his age, how am I supposed to make it?”

Mickey squeezed Ian’s hand. “Hey, if you wanna kill yourself when you’re 60, we’ll talk then. I’ll probably join you.” 

Ian pulled his hand away. “This isn’t a fucking joke, Mickey!”

“Christ, Ian, I know that!” He reached forward, running his hand through Ian’s hair. “I know it’s not a joke,” he said gently. “It’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.”

Ian felt more tears falling down his face as he leaned heavily against the stair bannister. “Robin Williams was one of the funniest guys in the world,” he croaked. “He was always making people laugh. If he couldn’t handle this, the bipolar and the depression, after all that, how am I supposed to?”

Mickey stayed silent for a minute, not really sure how to respond. He moved to sit beside Ian, wrapping his arm around Ian’s shoulders and pulling him into his chest. 

“That could be me,” Ian whispered.

“It won’t be.”

“How do you know?” 

Mickey held him tighter, brushing a kiss against the top of his head. “Because I won’t let you. If you want to kill yourself, you’re gonna have to take me with you.”

Ian sat there, tears leaking out of his eyes slower and slower until they eventually stopped. “I don’t want to be this anymore. I don’t want that to be me, Mickey. I don’t want it to be inevitable that I’m going to off myself some day.”

Mickey closed his eyes. “Then you’re gonna have to fight.”

“ _How_? I feel so empty all the time.”

Mickey turned Ian to face him, tilting his face upwards. “Maybe it’s time we find someone for you to talk to. Get you on some meds.”

Ian bit his lip, looking down as his eyes burned. “So that’s it? I either have to kill myself or I have to take drugs for the rest of my life, which isn’t even a guarantee that I’ll be okay? That’s it? Those are my only options?”

Mickey cupped his face once more. “This is your second depressed episode in just a couple months. Do you want to keep doing this back and forth forever? Or do you want to take the chance that we’ll get you sorted out? I’m in this, no matter what. Pills or no pills. I just want you to be happy again.” He leaned their foreheads together. “I love you,” he whispered. “I want to see you smiling again. I miss it,” he admitted.

Ian sniffled. “I’m making you miserable.”

He shook his head, leaning in to kiss Ian. “No you’re not. I’ll take you in whatever way I can. You’re making _you_ miserable. I don’t want you to keep going through ups and downs forever and getting upset because some guy with bipolar disorder ended up killing himself. He’s not you, you’re not him, Ian. We’ll get you some help, and if it works, you can be happy again. You won’t have to worry about everything that could go wrong. Just say the word.”

Ian let out a shaky breath, burying his face into Mickey’s neck. Mickey kept his eyes on Ian’s family as he ran his fingers through Ian’s hair. Debbie and Carl looked scared, like they thought Ian’s yelling had been the start of something they couldn’t unsee, like with Monica’s Thanksgiving episode. Fiona was holding Liam tightly, her eyes watery as she watched Mickey comforting her little brother. Lip had a hand on Debbie and Carl’s shoulders, tucking each of them into his sides.

Mickey almost startled as Ian spoke, having been absorbed in the silence. “I don’t want to die, Mickey. I want to be happy. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

He felt his heart clench painfully in his chest. He held Ian tightly and nodded, kissing Ian’s head gently. “Okay. I want all that too.” He looked up at Fiona and rubbed his hand down Ian’s back comfortingly. “Fiona can find you someone to talk to and get you on some meds.” Fiona nodded, shifting Liam in her arms. “Why don’t we go take a nap upstairs while the kids finish getting ready for school?” 

Ian nodded, letting Mickey help him to stand up. He wrapped an arm around Ian’s waist and helped him upstairs. They entered the single bedroom, Mickey closing the door behind them. He got Ian into the bed, climbed in beside him, and threw the covers over them. He held Ian close to him, making sure there was no space between them. He spent a few minutes alternating between running his hand through Ian’s hair and rubbing Ian’s back.

“I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you,” he mumbled. “I promise.”

Ian pressed his lips against Mickey’s neck shortly. They continued to lay in silence, holding each other tightly and knowing that they would always be there for each other when times got tough.

“‘I try to make sense of things. Which is why, I guess, I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be,’” Ian muttered against Mickey’s skin.

He raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

Ian shrugged. “One of my favorite Robin Williams quotes. Lip used to be obsessed with Bicentennial Man. Kind of fits my life.” Mickey sighed softly, squeezing his arm around Ian. “I’m really sad.”

“I know.” He leaned down, kissing Ian softly. “Tell me some more of your favorite quotes.”

“‘You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to.’ Good Will Hunting.”

“Keep going,” Mickey said, bringing the blanket tighter around them.

“‘Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle-aged fag. But I know who I am, Val. It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. Fuck the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks.’ The Birdcage.” 

Mickey laughed. “I like that one. S’good. Give me another one.”

Ian thought for a moment before speaking. “‘I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. I love you because I know no other way than this. So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.’ ....Patch Adams.” He looks up at Mickey then, and Mickey can see his eyes glossed over with tears. He gives Ian a smile, the kind he reserves only for Ian, and joins their lips together.

“You’re a nerd,” he mumbled. “I love you too.” He kissed Ian’s head, closed his eyes and held his boyfriend close. “It’s gonna be okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I appreciate any and all comments/kudos/critique you are willing to give me. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
> 
> If you want to chat, you can find me on tumblr at [ be-your-own-anchor5](http://www.be-your-own-anchor5.tumblr.com)


End file.
